I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
