there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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