My Higher Power is John Stamos
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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