i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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