perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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