Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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