I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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