we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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