Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i've created a new STD.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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