Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
