There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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