woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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