dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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