My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
