Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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