party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
