why didn't you poke me back
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
