i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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