No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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