So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
