let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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