oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
