How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
