she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
