it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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