Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
