Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Green mimosas i think yes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
