she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
