i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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