Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
