From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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