I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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