omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Barsexuality is the new black.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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