the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
