Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
