life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
