when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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