YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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