it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
