Kiss
Puke
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
