note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
