I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
