going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Two words: nipple clamps
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