My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
