I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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