the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
