dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
