and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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