I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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