You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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