Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
