I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
