So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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