More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
