Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My vagina just clenched in fear
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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