Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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