4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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