How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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