the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
