i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
