Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
