I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My feet surprised me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
