Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
