you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
