she woke up with a sticky ear
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
