You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
