Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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